Pastoral Knight (life coach)
Written by James
I was stricken with OCD when I was 9. I didn’t think much of it, but that it seemed normal to me, because I lacked insight. People were on my case literally all the time. My marks suffered, my social life suffered, and it that don’t beat everything, I was the target of many bullies, including a couple of teachers, one who humiliated me in assembly, and one in high-school who took a stance with the class, and talked about me behind my back.
I even that the unfortunate displeasure to regress after seeing a counselor and then confronting my last issue (which was ocd insecurity But I didn’t know that it was a brain disorder).. to a former way, which caused a psychosis and defective disorder to add to the OCD.
Now, by the age of 20, I was being followed by a psychiatrist. He barely knew what to do for the OCD. And through out the 18 years of seeing different doctors, none of them did anything but diagnose my rituals as “magic thoughts”… I was so helpless and felt so hopeless, that I wanted to kill myself. I tried actually but couldn’t go through with it.
I managed only to take the maximum dosage of 4 mgs of Klonopin, and fell asleep as I cried out to my deceased mother for help. She came to me in a dream at that point, and though I couldn’t see her lips moving I heard her loud and clear, while she spread her arms out to receive an exhausted, frustrated, and lonely for him mom, me. She said, awww son, don’t worry, things will work out fine, you will see. That’s after I told her I couldn’t take it anymore.
Then I cried and told her how much I missed her, and woke up with dry tears… I woke up crying. 4 years later I moved out cause my dad was nuts and driving me nuts. There’s nothing worse than a control freak who’s emotionally abusive. I met up with an old school friend I made in elementary school who I always thought was such a cool kid. She greeted me warmly with love. We had a coffee together… and she explained to me that she was a 2 year born again christian.
I happened to be looking to be one at that very time. She also told me she had OCD, and so with her own experience, diagnosed everything that was OCD in me. She later gave me a tract on becoming christian, and a book with CBT on dealing with OCD.
14 years later, I’m ordained, a non denominational pastoral knight, independent. And I know so much about psychology and NLP, that I put my OCD into remission, though I had to battle with doctors that if they can’t diagnose a simple case of chronic bizarre ocd, compared to a mini case of schizoaffective disorder, then the latter is worth nothing to me, so I refused medication.
Finally, after all is said and done, I take medication for the S-AD and I deal with my OCD for being heard in court. That my ocd isn’t even in question. Doctors cant medicate it because the S-AD may get aggravated… so I’m fortunate to get klonopin when I need it. But I have something else interesting to add.
My OCD is considered in remission. after 37 years with it, I have had 6 months of freedom, with the only thing being anxiety as my trouble.
A side note. I’m a street minister, life coach. There’s no money in it, because I haven’t been hired. I don’t expect to be. I don’t dare ask people for money when they are facing their crises at the time I manage to be around to listen. And that’s what I do. I listen, and give pointers, and help the person find congruency within themselves. When they do, they’re burnt out, and need sleep. So I get them to be therapeutical… and sleep it off.
I found that after talking to one man last night, that this IS after all what I do. with or without pay. And his situation had me uptight.. but when it was all over, I noticed back at home, that I’m really stable, fact I shouldn’t be a concern for my own doctor. I’m zen like anything, and calm. And yet compared to that man, my anxiety that I was belly aching to God about, isn’t near half as bad as what stress that man was going through. Here I thought I was the most unhappiest man around, but frankly I do pretty freaken quite well.
All in all, all I gotta say is, You gotta do your own research on ocd and help yourself with it. Cause no doctor especially in the Montreal south shore region will. You are literally on your own to deal with it, and put it into remission. Do not rely on the drugs the doctors wave over your head. Be alternative. Use teas like skull cap, valerian root, and oolang tea for anxiety. Take hot baths, listen to brown noise simplynoise.com #meditate… learn to induce yourself into trance and find a way to deal with your unconscious at will… and just zen out.
At first, when I applied the CBT, I froze at my door. I nearly peed myself. The world suddenly seemed like a big big gigantic place. I was no longer in my obsessive world of fear. I was facing the real world. I had a choice. Go hide under the covers in my bed, like my friend does… or face it like a soldier… so I stood at my door, scanned the area, faced the world, until the adrenaline calmed down… and then said what my dad told me.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. And so I took that step, didn’t care about anyone else or what they thought as I was facing the onslaught of obsessions to devalue… it was stress.. hell…. and finally… its all over.. I’m free… happy….. and I help others the same way, where I didn’t have any help at all. real competent help. No… the doctors, and psychologists all my life were incompetent, arrogant, and are quite ignorant when it comes to OCD. They will sooner diagnose what they see, but not what you hide. and ocd sufferers hide their behavior quite well. You could tell them with a book all about ocd in your hands and how you can relate to every case in the book… and still be dismissed as magic thoughts or something else. that’s how bad it is here.
Do not come to Quebec for any psychiatric or medical help. The educational system here is low class, expensive, and even for free medical help, its 3rd rate.
Written by James